Supporting Haiti: I phoned it in

Today I donated $10 to support disaster relief in Haiti. I phoned it in. Literally. What I mean is I received an email telling me I could donate to the cause automatically by texting “Haiti” to 90999. Normally donating to a cause is just so time consuming. I’d really love to help out but…you know…I’ve got some other things to do. But this donation was automatic. They just took the $10 right off my phone bill. Then I remembered that I am on a family plan with my In-Laws and technically they pay the bill. Damn.

I didn’t just phone this donation in literally. I also phoned it in figuratively. By that I mean, I hardly know what the crap is going on over there. I think there was an earthquake. Is that right? I saw a headline about it and a photo with some people looking like they were in a pretty bad situation. Then I clicked on the link to the story about Conan O’Brien. Hey, our nation is dealing with a disaster too.

So yeah. I helped the cause. I don’t even know what exactly the cause is. I don’t really know what my (mother-in-law’s) ten bucks are buying. It’s as if I hit the “like” button on a facebook post. “Redcross is: now taking donations to aid the people of Haiti.”

Like.

But check it out. I got a cool red and blue ribbon on my Tumblr profile to show my support. That’s legit. I’ll bet some Haitian is over there clearing the rubble off his front lawn (do they have lawns?) and smiling because he knows he is being supported by my digital ribbon. It’s not an actual ribbon. No no. It’s an image of a ribbon. On my profile picture. F yeah.

You know what would be even better? What if we all changed our profile pictures to a picture of “The Haitian” from Heroes? That would show the world that we are aware of the situation, and that because of that we are heroes in our own right. I’d do it on mine, but not until a bunch of other people do it. I don’t want to be the only loser who changes his profile pic. You know? Alright, well enough of this. I’ve got some other things to do.

What about Andy Richter?

There’s been a lot in the news this week about the whole NBC/Conan/Leno debacle. It’s all over Facebook and Twitter as well. People have created hashtags like #teamconan and #teamchin. People are re-blogging an Obama-esque image that says, “I’m with Coco.” Everyone is concerned about Conan.

But I ask you this…What about Andy Richter?

Andy decides it’s time to start drinking. (This photo was stolen from NBC because…screw them, right?)

Right now Andy Richter is kind of a like a guy sitting in the sidecar of a motorcycle that just got pulled over. He and his buddy were having a great ride. The wind blowing through their hair, not a care in the world. And then suddenly they get pulled over for no good reason at all. You see, the cop is crazy. The cop has no idea what he’s doing. And now he’s pulling Conan off the motorcycle and making him turn over his keys. Andy is just sitting there in his sidecar thinking, “How am I going to get home now?”

Let’s look at it another way. Andy is kind of like Robin, Batman’s sidekick. Only in this version of Batman the Wayne Corporation decides all of Batman’s business. The board members of the Wayne Corporation have decided Bruce Wayne is no longer fit to serve as Batman and they’re kicking both him and Robin out of Wayne Manor. Robin can’t even keep his cool suit (not the one Chris O’Donnell wore).

In my opinion, Andy Richter has maybe one of the greatest jobs in comedy. Sure, host of the Tonight Show is the maybe the most prestigious role in all of comedy. But to be the sidekick on the Tonight Show is really a sweet gig. He gets to hang out on the side and take pot shots all night long. There’s almost no pressure at all. Yet, no one can deny that he is a major contributor. He saves Conan when a joke doesn’t work. He enhances the jokes that do work. He’s always there when you need him.

And now he won’t be there. And we need him. Like most people, I’m rooting for Conan to find a new home for his show. Unlike most of those people, I’m rooting for Conan because really, deep down, I’m rooting for Andy.